Why?

I'm a question and answers kind of girl. I want to know "why". Why Lord? Why do I get caught up in my "problems"? Why is life so hard? Why do we live in a world where evil seems to run rampant? Why are there earthquakes and pain and suffering? You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. (Psalm 5:4) In my distress I call to the Lord...from his temple he hears my voice; my cry comes to his ears. (2 Sam 22:7)

The first thing I hear him say is I love you. I am raptured by his love and compassion. Out of the brightness of his presence bolts of lightning blaze forth! He reaches down from on high and takes hold of me. He draws me out of deep waters bringing me into a spacious place. (2 Sam 22:17,20) The voice of my creator and sustainer tells me that I need not fear. He is always with me. I know that He cares about what is happening with me and in the world.

Our loving Father keeps us safe in his dwelling. He hides us in the shelter of his tabernacle. "From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth... (Psalm 33:13-14) I will keep you safe, I hear him say. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world! (John 16:33)


"show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." (Psalm 25:4-5)

God is the fountain of life. I go to the fountain. Wash me in your water O Lord. Help me to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) I am reminded that His love reaches to the heavens, His faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5)

Somehow my "whys" do not seem so important. I know that He is working it out, regardless of how it looks to me. He knows the big picture. I will trust in him.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. the days of the blameless are known to the Lord, and their inheritance will endure forever. In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." (Psalm 37:5-6, 18-19, 23-24)

"O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart." (Psalm 7:10)

"The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." (Psalm 46:11)

The Cry of my Heart

I just spent 4 1/2 days with some beautiful sisters and brothers in Christ. We were together to grow and heal and be prepared to help others do the same. I shared the following journal entry as we gathered on our final day together. Many told me that the words spoke their own feelings. Perhaps you will agree.

Father I love you, I lay my life before you. As the Son loves you, I too, cry Abba Father. I worship and adore you. I praise you. You alone are worthy. You alone deserve all honor and glory. My heart cries out for more of you. More of your love, more of your Spirit, more of your gifts. My flesh resists, my broken state and sinful nature fight to continue to satisfy their desires. Cleanse me from unrighteousness. Give me a pure heart. A heart that feels what you feel. A heart that desires what you desire. Use this broken vessel and pour out your love and healing to a sinful, broken, needy world. Teach me your ways, O Lord that I might walk in them. Reveal your presence in my life and your Holy Spirit's leading and power for ministry to others. Lead me to rely on you and your Spirit alone. Make me confident that you have been filling me with your Spirit, pouring in your wisdom and revelation. Without you, I am nothing yet you call me daughter, I am a daughter of the King - Holy and righteous because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.
Lord, I yield myself to you today. Empty me of self and fill me with your presence and your Spirit. Sanctify me. Heal inner parts. Remove sins and bondages. May I experience you like never before! I desire to be transformed - filled and equipped to serve you with all my heart, mind and soul. I desire spiritual gifts. Am I to prophesy? Am I to work miracles?, speak in tongues? I am yielded, open to your calling. I renounce any distractions, any way the enemy might try to come and curb what you desire to do in me. I invite only truth, love, mercy, compassion. I give you all that I can, all by your grace. Amen